Thoughts.

I don't really know if I will ever understand myself. Sometimes Love is the most important thing to me, and sometimes I can't even feel it. I just don't think it's okay to feel this way really. How can you love someone and still be sexually attracted to other people. And why is it when I think of women, men turn me off, but when I think of a particular man I'd like to get with, for one reason or another (I am bi), girls all of a sudden don't appeal(as much). Why do I despise hypocrites, but allow myself to be one? And, to be repetitive because I can, that is just hypocritical. Why do I allow myself to be so selfish, why don't I have any goals? And I know you aren't supposed to start any sentence with and. Shut up. Too much thought brings inaction. Oddly enough its when I do act and don't think as much, I fuck up. I need to find a good middle ground, but it's proven difficult. I need help. Sometimes I think I'm really Bi-polar or something to that nature. Why haven't I gotten the help? I'm lazy, I don't want to really admit to anyone except a select few I need it, and the idea of being drugged up on things that come with the label "mild sudden death" as a symptom does not appeal to me, even slightly. I like having emotions... more or less, I just don't like that they are not happy all the time.

I've just watched Love Actually, again(I've seen it like 10 times). It makes me feel a numerous amount of emotions from the beginning : Sad, Happy, Love is awesome, awkward. I am awkward, almost all the time.



Oh Fuck.